Jalpuna

thoughts (excerpts)

I suppose this category of posts is a sort-of catch-all for... well... for thoughts.

  • Of Fishes And Wishes

    Holy crap. That's a great quote! I should totally quote me sometime. Am i right or amiright?

    (March 11, 2014)

  • The Holiday Shift

    Christians have been celebrating Christmas for hundreds of years. That's all fine and good, but come on... I think they've pretty much got that one down. In the next odd year, let's give them Hanukkah. For the next even year, they'll get Christmas back, and then the next year, they'll celebrate Kwanzaa. I want to see the Pope light the Mishumaa Saba. Damn straight!

    (December 30, 2011)

  • Don't Blame The Punctuation Mark

    Ex marks the spot.

    (January 30, 2011)

  • The Dream And The Dreamer

    He Dreamed Of Being King, But This Became His Castle. I wonder what he dreams of now?

    (January 26, 2011)

  • For Me To Be

    Because I knew I didn't want to. Because I then chose not to. I chose because I can. I chose because I am.

    (January  4, 2011)

  • Hate, Heart And Hope

    'm surprised by the hate in this head of mine. I'm surprised by the joy in this heart of mine. I hope my hate goes first.

    (March 17, 2010)

  • The Golden Rule

    Silence followed as I found myself at a complete loss for words. I understood the question and why he was asking it, but the answer seemed as obvious to me as explaining why I breathe out after I breathe in.

    (March 11, 2010)

  • Chacaltaya

    On September 11th, terrorists killed three thousand people with four airplanes. How many millions of people are we killing with climate change? Are their lives any less important simply because they don't live here?

    (December 15, 2009)

  • Be Careful What You Wish For

    Goals have wings and they can fly. Wishes are anchors for those who don't try.

    (September 27, 2009)

  • They're Not Booing

    Dear Philadelphia Eagles; The fans aren't booing. They're shouting Poodles. POOOOOODLES!!!!

    (August 14, 2009)

  • A Better Way On Memorial Day

    I saw a guy waving a flag out of the back of his pickup truck this afternoon, and I thought "Y'know... that is precisely what is wrong with our country."

    (May 25, 2009)

  • Happy Ham Day!

    Easter is a creepy holiday when you think about it. We eat chocolate rabbits to celebrate Jesus becoming either a zombie or a ghost, depending on how you look at it... Wouldn't it make more sense to combine Easter and Halloween into one super-zombie holiday?

    (April 12, 2009)

  • I Don't Believe In Giving Equal Rights To "Same-Sex Partners"

    Creating a legal definition of "Same-Sex Partners" is discrimination. Luckily, there's a handy-dandy way for our government to avoid being a discriminator: All we have to do is...

    (March 12, 2009)

  • A Christmas Wish

    As those words left my fingertips, the West Hills disappeared in a shroud of gray, obscured by snow falling from the sky and swirling in the breeze. Unsure as to whether my wish had been answered or if it had been purely a coincidence, I decided to try again.

    (December 25, 2008)

  • Everything Is A Reflection Of Something Else

    Rather than fly or rent a car, we took a bus. Rather than book a swanky hotel, we stayed at what turned out to be an oversized bed and breakfast. Ahh, but we ate well!

    (July 20, 2008)

  • To Catch A Pre-Dater

    How can they run an ad for online dating during a show called To Catch A Predator? What kind of message are they trying to send here? "Does sex with a 13 year old make you horny? Well here's the next best thing!" Geez, what's the next ad going to be for? A Hanna Montana concert?

    (February  1, 2008)

  • Tracing Circles Around The Sun

    I have seen this spot before - this particular point in the circle we trace around the sun. It is the same as it was 365 days ago, and 365 days before then. I've seen it before and so have you, yet somehow, we think it is different simply because we are here.

    (December 28, 2007)

  • Hope, Luck, And The Swirling Sea

    Well, crap. I've written this post seven different ways over the last two weeks without finishing the thought, and on the eighth attempt...

    (June 29, 2007)

  • Should?

    touch my hand. tensions rise. nerves can foil calm disguise

    (February 23, 2007)

  • I Don't Mean To Be An Ash Hole, But...

    To celebrate Ash Wednesday, I burned a bag of popcorn. Crap! As for Lent, I gave up belief in mythology.

    (February 21, 2007)

  • Hate Valentines Day

    Life gets crazy, and sometimes we could all use a reminder to take a step back and reflect on the things that really matter.

    (February 14, 2007)

  • Shine A Little Light For Me

    The feeling is irrational. I know this, but the heart wants what the heart wants, and my heart wants the light. Bring it back.

    (January  6, 2007)

  • And Take My Misses With You

    Tomorrow is a new day, and I'll live it a new way, or the blame for continued misdirection will be mine.

    (December 31, 2006)

  • To Pass Along

    He does what he knows. She knows who she is. They are what they've left behind.

    (December  9, 2006)

  • Tornado Ally

    She was born like a kite in a storm. Though she howls like a tornado, she brings not winds of change.

    (December  6, 2006)

  • Do You?

    Do you remember being a little kid, and, even at that age, thinking that Smurfs were a pretty disturbing concept?

    (August 26, 2006)

  • Inappropriate One-Sided Conversation Of The Day

    "...downtown Portland is a lot like Israel, really."

    (August 13, 2006)

  • I Am An Ocean

    Could this be any more vague?

    (August  9, 2006)

  • Olympic Fever Feels More Like Bird Flu

    The higher the odds someone will wreck in spectacular fashion, the higher the odds I'll watch a particular Olympic event.

    (February 23, 2006)

  • Wisdom From A Six Year Old

    I didn't take this as a lesson that all people were bad, or even that all girls were bad. I just understood that this one particular bitch was bad. Very bad.

    (February  3, 2006)

  • Oyster

    "Hi! My world is squishy and gray. And it reeks of fish. Eventually, it'll be eaten."

    (January 27, 2006)

  • Something

    "You've got to believe in something" she said. I told her that I do.

    (January  3, 2006)

  • Kiss. Write. Tremble.

    So often, when I'm writing a difficult story, I find myself playing the part of the narrator - as if I'm telling someone else's story. In some ways, I suppose that I am.

    (December 13, 2005)

  • To Tell You A Story

    I want to tell you a story. I wonder how the next chapter will read?

    (September 29, 2005)

  • Children, Discipline, And Beatings For The Worthy

    "Jimmy, please don't pull the dog's tail. Jimmy, can you get down off that ledge? Jimmy, I'd really prefer it if you didn't stick your hand down the garbage disposal while it's running."

    (August 17, 2005)

  • Discovery: Bad Things Could Happen

    Please NASA, bring home Discovery's crew safe and sound. If not for their own sake, do it for the poor bastard aliens that have to watch us do this dumb shit.

    (August  3, 2005)

  • Time

    Imagine how much more we'd have accomplished if the Earth spun faster.

    (July 26, 2005)

  • I Get High

    I don't know his name, but I lived across the hall from him for two years. He has AIDS, a disease I am quite confident he contracted through drug use. I'm sure he'd tell you he never chose to have AIDS, but he chose to take the steps that led him to it. Is there really a difference?

    (June  1, 2005)

  • What I've Learned

    I've learned that I really care what other people think of me - but not so much that I'd be willing to change who I am for the sake of approval.

    (April  7, 2005)

  • Nine Reasons To Smile

    Does it make me superficial if I like numbers with curves? Sixes are good. Eight's are nice. Can't complain about a three here and there. Curvy, curvy. But NINE? Wowza! You get a big loopy thing at the top with a bar that drops straight down like a flagpole. That's hot.

    (March 31, 2005)

  • Thirty One Flavors Of Cat Litter

    I want to meet the person who owns Tidy Cat and ask: "What does your cat drop a load onto?"

    (March 28, 2005)

  • My Happiness Starts With Me

    I used to say I would give up everything I had to live a life I'd never known, but I would be doomed to make these mistakes again - because this is who I am.

    (March 24, 2005)

  • My Valentine

    Our little planet spins, causing the sun to appear to rise and fall. Whatever meaning we place on a particular period of time is of our choosing. So, choose.

    (February 14, 2005)

  • T.P, But No Salvation

    I learned tonight that if you are in line at a grocery store with only two items, and one of them is a shitload of toilet paper - pun intended of course - people will let you jump to the head of the line, without even asking.

    (September 29, 2004)

  • Toothbrush Holder

    Are the toothbrush holder makers trying to tell us something? What kind of m'nage-quatro relationship involves four people! That's far too complex for my tastes. Is it some kind of Mormon thing? Is my toothbrush holder religiously biased?

    (August 24, 2004)

  • I'm A Believer

    "I contend that we are both atheists. I just believe in one fewer god than you do. When you understand why you dismiss all the other possible gods, you will understand why I dismiss yours." - Sir Stephen Henry Roberts (1901-1971)

    (June 18, 2004)

  • The Secrets To Living A Happy Life

    Free of charge, I present to you my secret for living a happy and fulfilling life. You're welcome...

    (June  9, 2004)

  • Not Necessarily 'Lost' Loves

    Even after a relationship has ended, the beauty of moments spent together will be something I carry with me. It makes me a better man.

    (May 17, 2004)

  • What Do You DO?

    As luck would have it - bad luck that is - 9/11 came next, and my answer quickly became "I'm F**ked." That was more of a "what-I-am" than "what-I-do", but it was the only answer I had at the time.

    (April 29, 2004)

  • Having Those Thoughts Again

    Movies are so disposable these days. I'm sick and tired of everything being CGI'd to the point where I'm watching a damn cartoon. Is it Saturday morning? Am I eating Coco Puffs? I don't think so...

    (April 21, 2004)

  • Ahhhhhhhh- Choooooooooo!!!!!

    Tucker [my cat]: "dude you smell funny." Yeah but I have opposable thumbs so shut up.

    (April  2, 2004)

  • A Camera To Disturb My Rosy Past

    I can spend the day with someone, and that person may walk away thinking he had a good time [or not?] - and I'll walk away with a story to tell...

    (March 30, 2004)

  • Well I Wonder

    I wonder who was the first to walk up to a cow and think "if I tug on the little hangy/dangley things, I'll get a beverage." How many other animals did he get his ass kicked by before figuring out that cows were the way to go?

    (March 26, 2004)

  • The Distance Between Us [and a big rock]

    Understanding is the key to success - in business, in government, in international relations, and in life. I'm aware that reads like a bunch of heebijeebie self help crap... but think about it.

    (March 19, 2004)

  • The Bigass Prerequisite Disclaimer

    I figure it's best to get all apologies out of the way ahead of time. Just in case you stumble across something I've posted here & find yourself thinking "is this guy an IDIOT?" The answer might be yes. You've been warned.

    (March  7, 2004)

::::: | All Content © 2004-2014
::::: | Jalpuna is hosted by DreamHost