A kind of wine you can get for $2 a bottle which is surprisingly drinkable

The sound an ATM makes every time I insert my debit card

A lubricant

The place where compassionate conservatives hide their compassion

A newly discovered number somewhere between 37286 and 37287

A combination of a javelin and a harpoon

What Osama Bin Laden whispers in his pet goat's ear moments before they get it on

The original working title of Livin' La Vida Loca

The stuff you'd find floating in a cesspool

The name of the doctor who hooks Rush Limbaugh up with the good stuff

The code-name for the 'real killer' OJ Simpson is still 'looking for'

What sports fans yell after a goal at a soccer game in Sao Paulo, Brazil

A discontinued flavor of Ben & Jerry's ice cream. The kind with chunks of WTF??!?

What members of the Ayanono tribe in Guatemala say after someone lets out a particularly wet sneeze

This was the original site design for Jalpuna.com

It was my first attempt at designing a layout for a blog, and I still kind of dig it - so it lives on here.

What can I say? I'm a design-geek.


And now, continuing the list that begins in the column to your left...


Donald Trump's favorite kind of hair gel

A Military term for what happens when you go to war over Weapons Of Mass Distruction that don't exist

The middle name of the lawyer whose only job is to keep Paris Hilton out of the slammer.

What everyone roared at J-Lo's third wedding when the minister said "if there's any reason why these two people shouldn't be joined in holy matrimony..."

What Randy Jackson said when he found out he was going to be the only original judge left on American Idol.

A real word

What The Heck Is...


I'd love to have some fascinating explanation regarding the origin of "Jalpuna." I wish I could say that it's a form of enlightenment I learned in Xi'an, China, or that it is some sort of path towards achieving inner peace I gained while hitch hiking my way across the heart of South America... but the closest I ever came to spiritual enlightenment in Bolivia was the time I shared fig neutons with the locals while hitching my way through the Andes in the back of a dilapidated freight truck. It's a "had to be there" type moment I suppose.

"Jalpuna" is, however, nothing more than my old phone number, spelled out.

I've always been easily amused, and I'll be the first to admit that my humor leans towards the quirky - but hey - I make no apologies for being a complete dork from time to time. As a dear friend once said, you need to embrace your inner dork.

The way I see it, I'll either amuse you or I'll amuse myself. Either way, I win.

One of the many things that amuses me is getting a new phone number. I always request a number with no 1's or 0's in hope that it'll spell out something funny. This was even more effective before the days of ten-digit-dialing.

I've had a few great numbers over the years... In college, my phone number spelled "Glouper," and recently, I had a number that spelled "Jalpuna." Neither of these are words of course - as if that matters.

But what IF Jalpuna were a word... what would it mean? The possibilities are endless.

Why Jalpuna dot com, you ask?

A: It's a 7 letter dot com... which is much easier to remember than some silly phrase like heresadumbasswebsitebyaguynamedrob dot com

B: I think it's funny...